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Deviation Actions
Literature Text
1.
Breath held strictly back,
The rain is no longer soft.
She breaks and breathes light,
From highest heaven to earth
With a day brought forth in night.
2.
No man feels mortal
In rain-washed skin like armor.
Thunder is his worth
And storms brought forth his drum,
For a season's breathless mirth.
3.
Blown over like sand
The rain soothes soft; inhales.
She that life draws from
Is stored, is stayed, and bestowed
Till the mortal night succumbs.
Breath held strictly back,
The rain is no longer soft.
She breaks and breathes light,
From highest heaven to earth
With a day brought forth in night.
2.
No man feels mortal
In rain-washed skin like armor.
Thunder is his worth
And storms brought forth his drum,
For a season's breathless mirth.
3.
Blown over like sand
The rain soothes soft; inhales.
She that life draws from
Is stored, is stayed, and bestowed
Till the mortal night succumbs.
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Three tankas that flow into each other. I can't resist a small rhyme scheme, even though strictly speaking the tanka doesn't require one. Of a stormy night.
© 2012 - 2024 LaBruyere
Comments8
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The consonance, while obvious, contributes greatly to the sound.
Blown over like sand
The rain soothes soft; inhales.
she that life draws from
Is stored, is stayed, and bestowed
Till the mortal night succumbs.
The expression is, for the most part, uncliched and the imagery is quite evocative. I do have an affinity for Eastern forms, and I very much enjoyed this. Well done.
Blown over like sand
The rain soothes soft; inhales.
she that life draws from
Is stored, is stayed, and bestowed
Till the mortal night succumbs.
The expression is, for the most part, uncliched and the imagery is quite evocative. I do have an affinity for Eastern forms, and I very much enjoyed this. Well done.